Who Kicks the Meanest Balls in Providence?

Name: Sarah Gwizdowski (aka The Gwiz) Team: Stilettos Skills: Cheerleading and bartending. Bio: Stilettos captain and four-year team member of this PKL staple team. With my short skirts and cheerleader-like moves I’m not afraid to super soak you, throw water balloons and talk smack to your face! Don’t underestimate us girls because we will score runs and I will do a cartwheel over home plate… Oh, and we’ll also out-party you on the field with our impromptu dance parties on the pitcher’s mound.

Name: Christy Shepard (AKA: Honey Nut Killer Bee, The Commander, Cheeseburger) Team: Cereal Killers Skills: Can park her Smart Car anywhere. Bio: Always bringing fun to the field, Christy Shepard is a self-titled social butterfly that loves to hang out and party, on and off the field. She plays the sassy second base on both the Cereal Killers and The Stilettos, which she co-captains. She's no stranger to running the bases in a tutu and fishnets. But don’t be fooled by the short skirt, she's got skills for days!

Name: Bob “Rusty Lightning” Kissinger Team: The Glamazons Skills: Shines in a blaze of glitter. Bio: Rusty Lightning, Mother of the Legendary House of Glamazon, first started life as a golden egg discovered in a lady boy’s purse by Iman and David Bowie in 1983. He was raised on the four essentials: sequins, ‘Gansett, neon spandex and Jager. Growing up, Rusty Lightning dreamed in Technicolor of dirt, cheers, and, of course, big balls. Along with co-captain Taco Sparkle, Rusty takes his responsi-trannity of leading the Glamazons very seriously. Of all the Glamazons, his grunts are the loudest, his kicks are the hardest and his spandex the tightest! The first to arrive and the last to leave (he never forgets the beer either way), he is Rusty Lightning.

Name: Barry Foster Team: The Sandlot Skills: Grand-slam kicks and super speed. Bio: Barry Foster was born a winner. For thirty years he has lived by the motto, “If you’re not winning, you’re losing.” Maybe this is why he earned Most Valuable Player of The Sandlot. If you don’t know him, he’s "The Warehouse" at second base who’s easy on the eyes. The Sandlot is stacked with talent and many valuable players, but Barry Foster, the Pride of Pawtucket, is the Most Valuable.

Name: Abdullah Khaliqi Team: Providence Shakedown (Stugots) Skills: Spectacular Base Running/Drinking. Bio: Abdullah has been with The Shakedown since its inception, and has been a constant for the team: constantly giving it his all, constantly making key plays on the field, constantly scoring, and constantly being inebriated. These are all skills that are required to excel in the Providence Kickball League, and Abdullah far surpasses anyone else's ability to perform these skills. Constantly.

Name: Dave Wiggins Team: Ball 12 for Action Skills: The leg strength of a Rhinoceros. Bio: Reason for nomination? Is there a reason the wind blows? Is there a reason the sun sets? No. It just does… and Dave Wiggins just gets nominated. A man who takes vacation days from work to be able to play kickball? That’s an MVP. A man who has twice risked a serious knee scrape to stretch a double out of a single? That’s an MVP. A man who wears an incredibly hot and sticky batman mask on a 95-degree day? That’s an MVP. In short… Dave Wiggins is simply an MVP.

Name: Jeff Rosenzweig Team: Over The Top Skills: Bragging rights; twice inducted into the PKL Hall of Fame ('06, '11). Bio: Formerly nicknamed Spaghetti, as a result of donning a spaghetti strap blouse every game, Jeff has been a character and contender in the PKL since his first game for the Guerrila Gardeners back in 2004. He brings creative belligerence, unabashed fun and a reckless Summer-Saturday attitude to the field every game. He is currently the co-captain of “Over the Top,” the arm-wrestling trucker team based on the 1987 C-movie of the same name starring Sylvester Stallone. Jeff shows no sign of slowing down or sobering up.

Name: Jen Wolfinger Team: (Dawn of the) Zomboree Skills: Spirit, skill and a sweet viking helmet. Bio: Jen, a three-year veteran of Zomboree, has proved time and time again her commitment to the team and overall commitment to the sacred art of Kickball theater. Tough as nails and ready to kick butt at a moment's notice, this is one zombie not to mess with. Her enthusiasm and talent should be an example to all kickball players living (or reanimated). We also love her braiiinnnnnsssss.....

Name: Miss Winky Team: Muscle Justice: Horsepower II: The Secret of the Hooves Skills: Venture capitalism. Bio: When Miss Winky came to the Muscle Justice organization just weeks before the 2011 season, she found a team disjointed and lost. After securing an overseas corporate sponsor in Horsepower, thus saving the team from bankruptcy, she turned her focus inward and began rebuilding the heart of a group that had forgotten how to believe in itself. Spending countless hours on the field and endless nights scouring tapes from past games and Rocky montages, Miss Winky built not superstars, but a team that could think and move as one. Always a horse of few words, Miss Winky lets the scoreboard do the talking.

Name: Ryan McNamara Team: Occupy Kickball Skills: An unquenchable appetite for Poco Loco and ‘Gansett - and ladies who appreciate both. Bio: Ryan is Chief Executive Officer of Shenanigans for Occupy Kickball. Whether it be providing American cheese to the French or offering to bring his German Shepherd to the field to protect our beverages from marauders, Ryan’s a dude you wouldn’t mind sharing a tent with for months on end in the blistering cold. (Okay, maybe not months.)

Name: Victor Mancini Team: Tammany Ball Busters Skills: Deep passion for balls and the kicking of them. Bio: Vic is a newbie to the PKL but he brings it like a seasoned veteran. He's made a big impact on our team, no pun intended, because he is a giant, and balances his skills with his enthusiasm. Plus, there have been reports that he smells fantastic, a rarity in this league!

Name: Will Winfield (aka GI Joe) Team: Unstoppaballs Skills: Once kicked an inside-the-park home run without spilling a drop of beer. Bio: Will is an actual US Army veteran. He is a father who brings his son to games in order to teach him the real way to play kickball, so that local school playgrounds for the next decade and a half will be laden with schoolchildren in costumes drinking beer and playing kickball. Will’s favorite song is currently "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen and he prefers Strawberry Daiquiris to Pina Coladas. Will is also really good at kickball. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.