How to Survive (and Thrive) On a Service Industry Salary

If you work in the service industry in general or at McDonald's specifically, or even if you just spend a lot of time futzing around on the internet during work hours (we're not saying that we do), you may be aware of the fuss and schadenfraude circulating around the website McDonald's and Visa launched to help Golden Arches employees manage their money and live a full life on their salaries. Surprisingly, some of its recommendations and advice have attracted scrutiny, like the fact that their sample monthly budget includes a line item for a second income, but not food, or estimates the monthly cost of health insurance at $20. Now, we're not here to quibble over silly little details like that – like the fine folks at McDonald's who we're not attempting to demean in any way, we're more interested in providing a valuable public service. As so many of our friends are in the service industry, we thought we could provide some further wisdom on how to live within the means afforded by this rewarding career. Here are some more handy budget tips:

-Consider picking up a third job. The average full-time workday is eight hours. There are three eight-hour increments in a single day. Coincidence? We think not. Now back to work.

-Even in a fairly affordable city like Providence, rent can eat up a sizable portion of your income. You can subsidize this through subletting space in your own apartment. Don't just think of extra bedrooms. Kitchens, living rooms, closets, bathtubs, laundry hampers – these are all viable options for your coworkers and service industry friends in similar financial situations. Just remember to use the word "cozy" in the Craiglist posting.

-Ask your employer to consider replacing your hourly stipend with a wage based on the level uncontrollable white hot rage you feel towards the general public every minute of every day. Your income could easily increase by a trillion percent.

-McDonald's is switching many of its employees over from the cumbersome and outdated practice of being paid in actual money, instead favoring pay cards that work just like credit or debit cards. Perhaps your employer will consider a similar option, paying you in company scrip that is redeemable at the company-owned general store conveniently located down the street from your dilapidated rowhouse in the shadow of the factory. It saves on tiresome and inefficient trips to places like the ATM or stores and restaurants that drag you away from your place of employment. Time is money, people.

-Credit cards are easily available, even to those with little or no credit, and are a good way to build your credit score. But it's important to use them responsibly. Open as many accounts as possible, scatter tens of thousands of dollars of lavish and unncessary purchases across them, make the minimum payments for as long as you can, then just start ducking bills and phone calls until you devise a foolproof plan to fake your own death. Move to a country without extradition and repeat.

-Give blood. Early and often.