City Life / Malcontent

PVD Missed Connections

The city's lingering problems are looking for love this February

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Love is in the air this month, what with Valentine's Day, Mardi Gras on the 28 and National Drink Wine Day (February 18) in between. In the spirit of romance, we're helping a few lovelorn souls turn their luck around by writing the Missed Connections listings they've been too embarrassed to post.

You Seem So Innovative
195 Land looking for sexy developers
You’re that sexy knowledge economy all my friends want to get a piece of. When I finally caught a glimpse of you I could see what all the fuss was about. I would love to have you explore my parcels. Check out my website, 195District.com, if you wanna see some pics that will get you excited.

Stop Teasing Me
Pension System looking for serious commitment
Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you keep flirting with me but never go all the way. You can’t just keep funding me at 25% and act like you’re gonna get 8% back on your investment. My unfunded liabilities yearn for you to fill me up. Don’t keep me waiting too long or you might just ruin everything.

To the One Flashing New Money
g4p, Governor for PayPal
We had a brief flirtation last year. You were supposedly “looking favorably” at me. You didn’t make your move, but I’ve been on a hot streak since then: Virgin Pulse, Johnson & Johnson, Wexford. You need to get in line while you still can. So I know it’s you, tell me what state I’m the governor of.

Are You My Superman?
Skyscraper looking for a sugar daddy
My friends all tell me I’m dreaming, but I keep waiting for you to be real. One major corporate tenant looking for downtown office space in a vibrant mid-sized city. A huge state-funded incentive package full of subsidies and tax breaks. A luxury condo redevelopment that brings yuppies down from Boston. I know my perfect deal is out there somewhere. Come dock your zeppelin in my gondola room.

Let Me Troll My Way Into Your Heart IRL
Troll looking for bipartisan romance
You: the foxy East Side liberal who posted those passionate and well-researched arguments against the Achievement First expansion on Facebook. Me: the guy from Warwick who keeps trolling your comments in “Dan McGowan’s Scoop on Providence Politics.” Maybe you recognize my profile pic: the muscle bound human body with an eagle head wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. You make me wanna type it in all caps: I’LL SWIPE YOUR PROFILE THE WAY I VOTE – ALL THE WAY RIGHT.

420 Friendly?
Legal Weed looking for fun in RI
I seen you around the doctor’s office for years now, but I wanna get to know you recreationally. Yeah, I been kicking it with your next door neighbor for the past few months, but she can’t figure out what she really wants from me. Meanwhile, I’ve had my eyes on you. She’s too uptight and bougie for me. I like the artsy type. Is this the year we finally make it happen? Jah willing.

Haven’t Seen You Around Lately
Basement apt. looking for primary resident
You used to come around the way all the time acting like you wanted to be with me, but now I know it was just for show. You met that high maintenance chick in Johnston and took off to the suburbs. Now you act like you don’t know me. You know it’s not right. You even tried to hide your face when they saw you with her. Come see me sometime. Maybe you forgot the address? 150 Barbara Street.